Aphrodites Themed Lodge

Longtail Hill, Bowness On Windermere, Windermere,

2 Reviews

Aphrodites Hotel with Pool and Spa Complex
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Satisfaction Very Good
Very Good


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Good For Families
  • Families100
  • Couples82
  • Solo0
  • Business0
  • MaryFaerie's Profile Photo

    Hateful: Owner is an Offensive Liar and Cheat


    Did I find anything positive about Aphrodites? Sadly, I couldn’t. You might say being there was like winning a glass of wine. Sounds lovely; until the realisation that you’re chained in a dungeon to drink it and there’s a slug in the glass.

    On the hot summer day we stayed, my simple pleasure would have been to enjoy the sun in the “garden area” between slipping in and out of the pool. I consider that a reasonable and fair expectation for my £130 night’s stay, wouldn’t you?. A double door and then another door in the glass of the spa were standing open with the garden on the other side of the threshold but with a ‘no access’ rope across. When enquiring how to get in the garden we were told to walk back through the lounge, through the dining area, back through reception, out the front door, through the car park and round the side of the building (where people on the street could look in). I was so incredulous I asked “can we not just go through here?” and a voice behind us interjected, “you can’t go through there”, continuing, in a dismissive tone that implied ‘it’s obvious and you must be stupid for asking’ “it’s a fire door.”
    It is not a fire door; a fire door is heavy and must remain closed at all times to prevent fire spreading. This was a patio door signed as an emergency exit (see images on website of the conservatory and gym areas). The instinct of a toddler understands every door is an emergency exit; the front door is an emergency exit, but clearly this isn’t to say it can never be used other than in an emergency, especially when it is already standing open and your ‘guests’ have paid £130 to enjoy what is on both sides of it. This was the first instant my partner and I felt disrespected and valueless as guests.
    In the ‘spa’, when my partner asked for the “relaxation corner with gentle bubbles” (described in the information in our room as a ‘jacuzzi’) to be turned on, the woman said “it’s not a jacuzzi, just a relaxation area” – it did nothing; it was mis-sold lies.
    The ‘sauna’ in the ‘spa’ was warm – maybe like a conservatory that’s had the full sun on it – but which is most definitely not a sauna. When I asked the woman if she’d show me how the sauna worked she came and quickly pressed a button before I could see her action – basically disregarded my request to have the controls explained. When queried about the temperature she relayed it was at the maximum allowed due to ‘health and safety’. A sign inside said ‘do not put water on the coals’. So fundamentally a wood lined warm room it not a sauna – it was mis-sold lies. Again.
    Then came the total destruction of our anniversary night... the information in our room stated ‘robes are available’ but when I asked I was told there would be a charge, but that towels were available for such use in the spa. Not perfect but ok. So now, to get to the sunny garden from the pool to sunbathe, I need to travel through the building, as directed, in my supplied towel. As I signed out of the area I checked with the woman (for she is not a lady) if it’s ok to keep the towel with me to come and go and she told me “You’re not allowed; it’s policy.”. This was not only annoying, as the literature boasts they “recognise the importance of the responsibilities to manage the environmental impacts of the activities” and yet would rather launder a number of towels when one would suffice, but also embarrassing as I now had to take off the towel. So, in indignation, I continued on my way to the sunny garden, in bathing suit minus towel, and made it two steps before an acrid, venomous voice spat “CAN YOU DRESS BEFORE GOING THROUGH MY RECEPTION!”. Imagine the horror! I felt like a Victorian child who’d angered nanny. I put on my summer dress right there and was so upset I went not to the garden but to our room where, but three minutes later, my partner entered with shock on his face after also being belittled. He described how the woman had stopped him upon return from the pool, and virtually interrogated him, with tangible disdain, because he didn’t have his shirt on; repeatedly demanding, to the same answer, not once, not twice, but three times if he “had come down like that”. Then followed a lasting, staring silence. She then hissed at him; “cover yourself up”. There was no instruction anywhere of a dress code in the place that was our home for the night, and neither did any staff make such point. How dare this arrogant woman set herself so high and mighty against paying guests when she runs what’s described locally as ‘the sex hotel’.
    Disgusted, we descended to reception and spoke to the woman about how terribly we felt she’d treated us. My partner is gentle, and I’ve never before ever known him raise an issue with anyone. She angrily denied any fault on her part, talked over us, said we’d “not listened to the rules”, that I was “aggressive” and “mumbled under my breath”. After paying £130 to be a ‘guest’, being lied to about the facilities, insulted and embarrassed in such a despicable way, I should think most people would consider ‘mumbling under my breath’ an understandable reaction and, as a paying guest, my every right.
    Our experience was ruined and we wished to leave. We asked for our fee back but the woman denied it to us. We stood there telling her we wanted to go somewhere else because it was our anniversary and it was spoiled and she denied us. As soon as giving our money back arose she finally altered her tone from sharp to sweet, patronisingly telling me to “take a few breaths”, “have a glass of wine” (not that it was offered), and ‘they could order us a taxi to town if we’d like’. Hateful. She hijacked our money, cheated us out of the “haven of peace and tranquillity” we’d paid for, would rather have miserable people under her roof hating the place and ruin their short break than have the grace to, at the last, make any kind of attempt to make the situation good.
    We’d only booked within the last 24 hours so little chance that trade would have been lost. We’d been in the building less than 1.5 hours.

    As a matter of interest; the next morning another member of staff had a great row outside our window, finished the shouting with “you can shove it!” and marched away. We couldn’t see to be sure but the second voice sounded like that of the woman. What a happy place.

    Other issues;
    Even if the emotional upset hadn’t caused my dreadful night’s sleep the continuous noises, as something like a boiler kept rumbling on and off, made sure of it. Also there was only a piece of voile on the skylight above the bed, no blind, so at 6am the bed was lit up and even just resting was intruded upon.
    We’d planned to pay the “small additional fee” for the extra 1.5 hours late check out but it was actually over 15% extra so we did not.
    The pool was cold.
    The fabric of the bedspread and headboard were tired, that of the cushion on the chair insulting, and the curtains cheap fun-fur fabric with neither lining nor hem.
    There were no blinds on the windows, which could be viewed into from the car park, meaning, unless the curtains stayed closed we would have had to make sure we were covered up moving around the room – the amour had been killed already but would have suffered with this privacy issue.
    The double sinks were cramped and could not be used as such – you couldn’t stand in front of one due to the box fixed to the floor as a step into the bath and the second was squeezed in so close to the wall with the towel rail on it that I scorched myself on it.
    The tea tray was like that from a greasy-spoon café and was placed hiding a hole in the wicker table.
    There was no light in the tiny sauna in the room, no water dish and it wouldn’t heat up – I didn’t bother asking for help with it as I couldn’t enjoy anything about the place anyway.
    The complementary biscuits in the tin were already open and stale.
    A super king bed is not right with only a king sized duvet on it.
    The sound proofing between rooms was terrible. We could hear voices and other sounds from neighbouring rooms – had our ill treatment not already killed our anniversary stone dead I would have felt uncomfortable being amorous with my partner knowing the sound travelled both ways.
    The times for using the facilities were restrictive – check in at 3pm, out of pool by 8pm and no entry to pool after 7pm. Firstly I feel 8pm is early to stop use of an expensive private spa but, beyond that, adding a last entry time of a whole hour before closure is simply unreasonable. Prohibited use of swirl baths between 10.30pm and 9am only means the sound proofing is inadequate.

    Avoid Aphrodites. It’s a hateful place. We wished we’d read reviews before we booked.

  • originalribenababy's Profile Photo

    Expensive but a lot of fun, fab hot tub :)


    This hotel was a lot of fun. We had really high expectations as we had paid so much for it (£320 for 2 nights!! Well out of our usual budget) but we were really pleased when we got here and it was the treat we were after.

    We stayed in the victorian suite (not so much a themed room, and not our first choice but still fun). The hot tub was great! We spent about 5 hours in there (to get our moneys worth, and nearly completely shrivel up lol). The hot tub is round the corner outside the room. Its not overly private, in fact I gave a guy directions while we were in the hot tub coz he looked lost wandering round the garden, gave me a giggle! It would probably be more private when the leaves are back, offering more privacy if anyone is in the garden (but there usually isnt so it wasn't a big issue). The spa bath was also a highlight as we could watch tv from it :) and all the rooms have dvd players so you can watch your own thing....we brought miss potter, all very innocent!

    We got an eco log on our second night so we could have a real fire in our room which was a nice touch.

    The breakfasts were ok, they could have been better with how much the rooms cost but it wasn't a big issue. Getting to the hotel on foot was not too easy either (especially as we had heavy suitcases). We would recommend people coming from the train get a taxi. I would also advise people to make use of the free leisure facilities at the hotel down the road that you get during your stay to get more value for money.

    All in all the place was great (friendly helpful staff, fun rooms, great beds, fab hot tub!) and I would recommend it to anyone wanting a romantic short break in windermere for the fun and luxury of it, but it is expensive (a bit overpriced for what it is) so it is somewhere just for a treat.

    We would like to go back maybe next time we're at windermere (if our budget will stretch!). We would also think of trying their other hotel, 21 the lakes, as it has similar luxury but its based in town closer to the restaurants and pubs.

    Unique Quality: Themed rooms (parisian, tudor, log cabin, tarzan, flintstones, etc.) which can be a lot of fun. They also have some fun luxurious features like double hot tubs outside some rooms, double spa baths, double showers, saunas, hammocks outside and working fireplaces. They also have an outdoor pool for through the summer, and a 'dancing' fountain in the garden that is lit up after dark.

    Directions: car directions on website. From train station its a walk down the hill till you get to tesco, then head left (the route the tourist info gives going to the peir then back involves a big hill, this doesn't but the footpath disappears for part of the way)

More about Aphrodites Themed Lodge

Excellent !!

by TripAdvisor Member bernard1z

After reading some reviews I was a bit sceptical of what to expect. I needn't have been! We stayed in the Victorian Suite, which was bright and sunny with a private patio, with Hot tub and roll top spa bath. Further more the we had to leave a day early, but they resold the room and refunded this back to us! We can recommend this suite at least!!!

nice stay ! a little overpriced

by TripAdvisor Member didge121

had a nice stay for 2 days in the victorian suite ! room was clean and tidy with a great view over gardens.
hot tub was nice touch but had to many chemicals and was very smelly due to this . ( this did not stop us going in though.)
overall a nice place !!! the price is a little over the top though.

Rural Romantic Retreat

by TripAdvisor Member Pinkmooner

I booked the Victorian Suite as a 3 day / 2 night surprise for my fiances birthday. It's a 10 minute walk downhill into Bowness where there is a good range of pubs / bars / restaurants. We spent 2 days walking in the beautiful Cumbrian countryside, and the other day wandering around the centre of Bowness. You can also take a boat trip to any of the other places dotted around the edge of the lake.
The Lodge itself was quiet, romantic and VERY relaxing. As a previous reviewer said, you are really left to your own devices there, with the staff disappearing around late afternon, leaving you to take a spa bath or a hot tub on your private patio and there is good size fridge in the room to keep your champagne chilled! The bed was THE most comfortable I've ever stayed in! Breakfast is the usual B&B choice of cereal / fruit / fry up.
I accept that it is a bit on the pricey side, and we certainly couldn't afford to stay there regularly, but as a surprise or for a special occasion..... go on.... you'll love it!

Loved it

by TripAdvisor Member cargrabber

I took my wife to the lodge as a surprise for our wedding anniversary and we both really enjoyed our stay. The staff were all very pleasant & really helpful in every respect, the breakfast was very good, the evening meal at 21 the lakes was exquisite, I cannot praise it high enough, the steak was cooked to perfection, & the presentation was fantastic. We stayed in the Oman Beduin Suite, it was well laid out & clean with the nice novelty value of the theme (the themed rooms are a bit of fun & should be treated as a representation of the theme, not as an exact duplicte of, in our case a Beduin tent, if a duplicate is what you are expecting you could be disapointed). The spa bath was great & huge, as was the outdoor private hot tub, the only downside of this is that my wife would now like one of each. The hot tub could do with a canopy to keep off the weather if it rains, but other than that a great experience which I would be happy to repeat.

Had The Best Time ever

by TripAdvisor Member lucyclayton

My Boyfriend took me to the jane n tarzan suite for my 20th birthday as a surprise. We both loved it! the sauna n spa bath wer awsum. would defo go again maybe the austin powers room NEXT. The hotel was 10mins walk or 2 mins taxi from the hotel to the centre ov boweness where we went for a lovely meal n couple of drinks before heading back to the hotel for a sauna n spa! was best hotel ive eva stayed in n best surprise ever!

wild wild west

by TripAdvisor Member lazytown17

i booked for a surprise for my husband we stayed in the american western pine lodge for 1 night. on arrival it was smaller than we thought but very comfortable the double sauna and double spa bath made up for it (you only need 1 cracklelog)for the fire very warm room, i would not hurry back but would try different room

love this hotel

by TripAdvisor Member sandymoo

This is our third visit to this hotel and its sister hotel 21 the lakes.
Yet again an enjoyable stay.
We love to have a romantic night away and this hotel is perfect.
We like to take some champagne with us watch dvds on the large widescreen television and the best thing about this hotel is the massive spa bath in your room.
We stayed in the egyption suite this time which was great with an open fire and open plan spa bath bathroom with his and hers sinks and molten brown toiletries.
The staff are friendly but they do leave you to it (which we prefer )
but if you like to be pampered and like to be looked after during your stay you might not like this.
We stayed in the ausin powers suite last time which was also fantastic and would like to try the log cabin next time.


by TripAdvisor Member theriz786

We stayed at the property in July 2006 and had the Bedouin Oman suite. We were expecting a really luxrious and unique room but were extreemly disapointed with what we found. The rooom was dark, the decor was very very tacky and a little dirty and done on a very tight budget. The aqau spa tub didn't work nor were any of the staff or management able to fix it. The hot tub wasnt clean when we arrived and surprise surprise that didnt work either. The Molton brown toiletries consisted of hand wash and soap.....thats it. The bed was nackered and I could go on but I'll stop.

The absolute worst fact about this place is that they charge so much upfront and do not give refunds! It is OUTRAGEOUSLY priced considering what they deliver.


A great getaway break!

by TripAdvisor Member Alistairr

We stayed here for a couple of days post wedding... definitely a couples only hotel!

We arrived about 6.00pm and picked up our key from 21 The Lakes, the sister hotel of this one, a short drive away between Bowness and Winderemere. We stayed in the Cleopatra Suite during our stay, and I have to say that it was brilliant. OK... a little rough around the edges, but lets be honest, this lodge is at B&B prices but with little touches of luxury that were wonderful!

The room was very clean and the bed was very comfortable. The double, sunken jacuzzi was out of this world, but oh... the hot tub! never having ever been in one of these before, I was like a kid in a sweet shop! To go from the cold winter air into the 38 degrees of the hot tub was wonderful, as was the bottle of champers that went with it. terrific. This lodge is not a true hotel in the sense of the word... it is a large lakeland house with seperate themed rooms. There is no reception as such, and it is only manned by staff during the day, who begin with breakfast and then work through looking after the rooms and the grounds. The staff were very pleasant indeed, and the full cooked breakfast was a great way to start the day. There are no other meals available, but in Bowness and Windermere there are so many restaurants, that this is not a problem.

All in all, we had a fantastic couple of days, where you could come and go at will, unbothered by anyone. Definitely a couples only place, we would heartily recomment Aprodite's Lodge to any couple looking for a quiet time. We will be going there again without fail!


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 Aphrodites Themed Lodge

We've found that other people looking for this hotel also know it by these names:

Aphrodites Lodge

Address: Longtail Hill, Bowness On Windermere, Windermere,