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Grubby room, poor service, 3* food, why bother?
Before I begin, we have stayed at several 5 star luxury hotels, including the Conrad hotels in Cairo, Istanbul & Brussels. We also are Silver Hhonors cardholders. So we are seasoned luxury hotel travellers.
This was by far the worst 5 star we have stayed in.
When we rolled up with our luggage, we struggled through the doors while the doorman ignored/didn't even notice us - what was he there for? The concierge didn't even tell us the local bus number from the hotel (it's the C3). What was he there for?
The hotel directions were incorrect ("...take a right down Wadon Road...", no such road exists in Chelsea!) so we got a little lost getting to the hotel. When we advised check-in of their error, the guy got confused as he spoke poor English. When he realised the problem, he shrugged his shoulders. Great attitude.
We reserved a Marina View suite 7 days in advance, but when we arrived reception said they were "all taken" - so we got a standard suite, overlooking some small mall & a bit of waste-ground.
Our door lock was faulty, working about 1 time in 5. Although the room was a good size (for London) & well insulated from the frequent aircraft noise above, the room was quite grubby, with "greasy" looking marks over many of the wood finishes. The standard of decor & fitting were really below what one would expect, with mastic peeled off, mismatching wood & pictures askew. Generally felt like a 3-star level.
Housekeeping was well below standard - they didn't even clean up the table or replace used glasses with new ones. This "luxury" all- suite hotel had 2 cheapsville 20inch(?) Akai TV's and some channels had really poor reception. Staff hadn't even set the bedside alarm clock to Summer Time (that was the last week in March guys - it's nearly June!) so it was 1 hour out. Am I being picky? No, it's the attention to detail that we pay for in a 5 star place, overall this was lacking.
The bathroom was a shocker - how badly done can a 5 star place be? This bad! I took a couple of pictures so you can see how filthy fittings are left for us to enjoy - typical of the environment. Mouldy in some areas too! The mastic was peeling off in the toilet - not attended to either. The bathroom layout was badly designed, and small.
Next morning, Breakfast! Hmmm, hungry after a hard night out? We were! We were expecting the usual excellent spread, only to be told at the table that we were entitled to a cold continental breakfast only & hot food would be extra! You have got to be kidding! This was unbeleivable. This hotel is over GBP170 (USD300) a night! Breakfast choices were really poor for a top hotel. One cheese choice? Two cold meats? Coffee was tasteless too. The Sofitel London shows this place how breakfast should be done - perhaps Conrad management should pay a visit to learn something.
Also, the breakfast areas have inadequate ventilation, so even though we were in the non-smoking area, smoke from the smoking tables came through strongly. I mentioned this to a member of staff, who agreed this was not good and that she had to put up with it everyday.
Coupled with the location (about 15 minutes drive from the city), this hotel has very little to offer the discerning traveller. It's far, far below the standard for anyone who has 5 star pockets & expectations. Do yourself a big favour, choose the Sofitel London instead as we have done - it's a much cleaner, friendlier, classier place and it's 2 minutes from Trafalgar Square too. The Conrad London is in our opinion, bad news.
