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Me in Big Chair, Country's BBQ, Columbus, Georgiadid i just go to hell?
"to hell and back...well it could have been worse.."
A trip to the united states was not exactly a trip to hell but it was certainly very close.........
leaving from Perth Australia, i was keen and eager to board the first leg of my journey to singapore, had i known what was about to take place, i would probably have not been quite so keen.....
To cut a long story short........and it is a very long story.....
Perth to singapore... the take off was good- the flight was marvelous-- and had the overwhelming joy of experiencing an emergency landing in singapore. ( thats ok-- these things happen right?)
Singapore to Japan- the take off was good-- the flight was marvelous- had the underwhelming joy of experiencing yet another emergency landing........( hmm i guess thats ok.. do these things really have to happen?)
By this time the six monks on board were blessing everyone and everything in sight........
Now at this point in time we were asked to change aircraft.. so we all very obligingly grabbed every personal item we could find and made a relieved and rapid exit from the aircraft. The monks, realizing that i was on the same flight to LA as them, decided to follow my...er......unique hat..... in the crowd to the next aircraft (as they were a little confused as to what was happening)
Unfortunately i didnt realise i was being followed around Norito by six monks until they followed me into the ladies rest room........and blessed my toilet......( for which i was entirely grateful... there is nothing like sitting on a blessed throne.....)
our Three hour stopover in japan was suddenly cut to a brief 45 mins when we heard the call over the PA system that we had to board...NOW.......... There i was running the length of the airport being followed in hot pursuit by six seemingly mad monks......( bless their hearts.....).
We board the flight-- and i just happened to notice a number of passengers crossing their fingers during take off......
Now sixteen hours into the 17 and a half hour flight, so far uneventful, the man sitting two seats away from me decides to have a heartattack.
Having an emergency services background, i begin to attend the victim, and then a doctor on board also attends. An hour later we have had no success and the poor guy is declared dead. We help the staff remove the body and i go back to my seat.
A lady sitting near me started asking if the man had died. I replied "yes, unfortunately we were unable to save him." She gives me a mortified look-- grabs at her heavily pregnant body-- takes a wheezing gasp and immediately starts going into labour.
Ok at this point in time i have to admit to being a little fed up..........
i asked for the doctor to be called and ascertained if this was her first child-- ( luckily it was) i finished my breakfast whilst timing her contractions.......
My entry to the USA was sitting astride this poor woman on the floor of the aircraft ( during landing) as she couldnt sit upright due to the contractions,,,,,, her waters broke........( by now i smell like vomit- dead man and now im wet to boot....). needless to say it was my way of saying HELLO USA --------IM HERE>>>>>>>>>>
but does the saga end here?????.........of course not.........
having less than 12 minutes to catch my adjoining flight to Dallas ( darn no shower on board) which by the way was completely uneventful--- thankgoodness....after which i had about 15 mins to catch the last leg of my journey to my final destination of Atlanta.....( why dont they have showers on the domestic flights???).. and was placed between two very polite and well meaning wonderful people that decided to spend 3 hours trying to convert me to their religion..........( after 33 hours of flying.........hmmmmmmmm)
at this point it was a close call between succumbing to being either homicidal or comatose.....i guess it was lucky for all of us that exhaustion overcame short temperedness and i eventually fell asleep after one of the flight attendants took enough pity on me to move me... i bless that woman every night.........
upon disembarking i was greeted by my friend that took one look at me and said--"So, did you have a good flight?...........um.........whats that smell???.........I headed for the showers..........
