Etiquettes and Behaviors, Tokyo

Don't expect to find paper towels in the public restrooms in Tokyo. There may be hot air hand dryers available, but even in some very nice restaurants you may be expected to provide your own hand towel. Most people carry a washcloth size towel in their pocket or purse for just such needs. While traditional Japanese style toilets are found in most every restroom that provides service for more than one person at a time, thankfully they usually have at least one western style toilet. For those of us who are rather old and decrepit and can hardly sit down safely, much less squat over an open vessel, this is wonderful.

Every Japanese family has a seal, called a hanko. Japanese sign their documents with this kanji seal, which comes in a cute little case with its own ink pad. You must register the hanko with the government, and thereafter, no document is considered executed until the seal has been placed upon it. However, the government does not expect westerners to use hankos; thus, having married a gaijin, my daughter-in-law can now sign her documents and they will be official. It's much easier just to stamp things with that little seal, though!

The list of unwritten rules runs seemingly forever. The fortunate part is that, as a tourist, you get a free ride on most of them. That should not mean you shouldn't learn, but don't be all that worried about doing something wrong. Pay attention to the locals and you will pick it up.

Here are a few things I learned in the week I was there. I know it was not alot of time, but trust me, I got plenty of important research done durning that time...

If there is a pitcher of beer, don't fill your own glass. Someone at your table will fill it for you. Do the same for them.

Many of the smaller bars require memberships. These can be pretty pricey and often you have to have your own sauce there behind the bar.

Japanese beer often comes in tiny glasses, so look into this before getting excited about that cheap Guinness.

Don't tip. It is sometimes considered rude. Rather, express your gratefulness to the server.

Head, (the foam at the top of your glass), is not pulled from the top of your glass. I think might actually be added to make it look more full. This is common, and was done even by the nicest of bartenders in the city. Don't be offended.

If doing some marathon drinking, make sure to plan ahead. The subways close at midnight. (Don't cancel your trip yet....here's the good part) Many places serve all night. You might be able to party until the first train comes.

Beer in Japan is not all that fancy. If you aren't partial to rice beer, expect to be dissapointed or pay some high prices for imports. One great alternative was the mixture of oolong tea and sake over ice that my new hero Tomoko introduced me to.

The oshimori is an humid towell that many restaurants give you and it's provided to clean your hands. You should put it on the table instead in you legs. Don't clean your nose with it, and never ever clean you nose in a public place!

In Japan, you are supposed to turn off your cell phone when you are on a public transportation such as a train, a subway and a bus. make sure it's off or silent before get on and if you forgot and it rang just hang up and turn off. Also people get annoyed if someone is loud on a public transportation too.

On any public transportation, everyone has their cellphone on vibrate and do not talk on the phone. If you forget and your phone rings, excuse yourself and switch to vibrate quickly. You'll also notice no talking on cellphone sign everywhere. Because it cost less to send email than to talk, people tend to rely on emails.

There's a proper way to drink alcohol in Asian society. I'll outline the salient points. For the purposes of this example, let's assume you're having an after-work drink with your boss.

You never pour your own drink. Your boss pours a shot for you, and you pour a shot for him. Each of you hold your cup while the other pours. But there's a proper way to do it...

Since he's higher in status than you are, when you pour, you pour with two hands on the bottle (or you can touch your free hand to your pouring arm). However, your boss holds his cup with only one hand.

Then, when he pours for you, you hold your cup with two hands, and he pours with one hand.

When both of you have filled cups, you toast (you can say "Kampai" if you're in a Japanese restaurant) and touch the cups together. Again, since he's higher in status, make sure the rim of your cup is below his rim when the two meet.

Then drink. Again, since he's higher in status, don't face him directly when you drink, but turn slightly away from him. (If you were drinking with someone very high in status, it would not be inappropriate to completely turn away from them before downing your drink).

Of course, some fun results when you have two people trying to out-humble each other. Remember, you don't lose face by being overly respectful to others.

In Japan, it is NEVER okay to wear your shoes inside someone's home. Shoes are also often taken off inside schools, bath houses, and other public places where it makes sense to maintain cleanliness. Usually a house "slipper" will be provided so where those if they are. When going to the toilet, there is usually a separate slipper you should change into.