Montego Bay Tourist Traps

Jimmy Buffet is to be congratulated. On the strength of one average pop song, he has absolutely taken over the tourist north coast of Jamaica. Margaritaville is everywhere - two in Sangster airport, MoBay, Ocho Rios and Negril. You cannot avoid the advertising for Margaritaville - it is everywhere, as are marketing outlets. I went to the one in MoBay once and believe me that was once too often. In all my travels, I can remember very few places that so completely fit the definition of tourist trap.

The security staff are surly to the point of rudeness. Once inside, if you are a male, you will be totally ignored at the bar until the barmen have decided to stop flirting with the drunken seventeen year old American spring breakers. Assuming you can get a barman to serve you, the drinks are expensive and nothing special. I saw one guy spending $36US on a single cocktail. What the hell was in it, I have no idea, but, given that drink on Jamaica is relatively inexpensive, it sounded like a rip-off to me.

Now to the entertainment. On the top floor, a DJ was playing the standard Jamaican fare, but was apparently more interested in dancing himself than DJing. Downstairs in the main room, things were little better. There was a dreadlocked MC overseeing such things as a wet T-shirt contest, women faking orgasms on the microphone and him asking various young holidaymakers what was the “freakiest” thing their boyfriends had ever done to them. This last was done to the complete embarrassment of some of the girls on stage, to the point where at least two of them walked off. I’m certainly not young, but I doubt if I would have enjoyed this even 25 years ago.

On the (first available) bus back to the resort, I did hear a number of tourists, much younger than me and without prompting, come to the conclusion that “Margaritaville sucks.” I can put it no better myself.

Unique Suggestions: Believe me, you don't have to go there.

Fun Alternatives: The Bobsleigh bar just along the street (Eadt) on the other side is much better.

for a few jamaican dollars you can refresh yourself. by the way, you have to know that street sellers and taxi drivers have a local price, and a tourist price. you can pretend being an experienced tourist and pay, almost, the local price. the first thing you need is the jamaican money. only first time tourists pay with us money. the second thing you have to remember is that jamaicans call the local money "jeys", in contraposition to "us", for american dollars. if you want to look really experienced, try this approximation: "ya man. respect! how many jeys you want for a coconut?". if the seller does not smile, you did something wrong. just smile, and repeat your phrase in plain english