Blackpool Warnings Or Dangers

Just because your at the seaside don't assume that the fish and chips will be top quality. I took the usual step of finding a chip shop off the main sea front that looked like a proper old fashioned chippy. However these chips tasted just like they had been re-heated in the microwave from the night before.

A waste of good salt and vinegar!!!!!

The Norbreck Castle hotel in Blackpool is a very large hotel, which outwardly resembles a castle (surprisingly enough). In the past many would perhaps swap the word 'castle' for 'prison', or perhaps ask if the castle has 463 dungeons.

It got a a very bad press last year and featured on the BBC consumer affairs programme - Watchdog. Dated rooms, queues for check-in and dining rooms, paper thin walls, scruffy furniture, fire alarms set off half the night, loud music, squeaky beds, rude and surly staff etc etc

Even with a 9 million pound refit, it would appear that the owners, Britannia hotels, have their work cut out. After all, it's difficult to make a silk purse out of a cows ear !

One of the little fun 'wind-ups' that may be given to a new, wet-behind-the-ears recruit in an office or factory is to send them out to the local bakery for 'six pregnant tarts'. If they can keep a straight face while being asked, the hapless youngster will hopefully not get the joke and embarass himself at the Bakery !

In Blackpool you will find simply hoardes of the real thing. Whilst God may have amply endowed many fine Northern women, many more add to their creators work with a diet of burgers, mushy peas and chips by the truckload. Such fine examples of the female form never seem backwards in coming forward - with short skirts, skimpy tops and everything generally wobbling about like a big pink coloured jelly.

Enough ranting sourbugger - G.

As with any large town or city, when there are a lot of people all in one place, usually with their guard down as they're on holiday; pickpockets and handbag snatchers abound.

Don't take ALL your money with you. If your hotel has a safe deposit box or safe - use it.

LADIES - beware of bag snatchers. Even in daytime they operate. Use handbags as decorative items, sure, but keep your money and cards etc. ELSEWHERE.

Don't stand the chance of your holiday being ruined. Don't be an addition to the mugging statistics.

However if you do become a victim, inform the POLICE immediately.

A recent study published in the British Medical Journal claimed that the probability of soap characters on British TV soaps surviving into old age was less than that of bomb disposal experts.

One of the more dramatic deaths in the very long running British Soap was that of Alan Bradley died under a tram in Blackpool after mistreating Rita Fairclough.

These lumbering giants weigh many tons. They are, after all, essentially trains that have been trained to run along roads. Don't get into arguments with them.

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Once upon a time, it's a long time ago and for charity, Sourbugger was dressed and a six foot duck collecteing money for brain-injured children on the prom in Blackpool.

By the late afternoon he had been floored and sexually molested by about 20 young women in cheerleaders outfits. Whilst this was not altogether unpleasurable, being chased by half a dozen blokes with the shorts round their knees across the main road bout half an hour later awas not.

Be warned crowds of very drunk men or women on the razz in the stag and hen capital of the world don't tend to take any prisoners !

It would seem that just about every food outlet in Blackpool is dedicated to trying to fill your arteries with fat or give you a massive sugar boost.

Blackpool rock, candyfloss, burgers , pizza and chips appear to the staple diet.

The only place you are likely to get a healthy meal is if you scrape the red and green bits out of a Big Mac.

Even if you are an experienced coaster ride, be aware that it is an awfully long way up on the Pepsi Max Big One rollercoaster. I can handle heights myself, although when that cold Irish sea wind blew certainly began to feel distinctly queasy up there.

In addition the mile long plus ride is not the smoothest in the world, and with a few sharp kinks in the track, it could affect people with minor back problems.

Obviously if you knew you had major back problems or had a phobia about heights you wouldn't go near the damn thing in the first place !