One of the little fun 'wind-ups' that may be given to a new, wet-behind-the-ears recruit in an office or factory is to send them out to the local bakery for 'six pregnant tarts'. If they can keep a straight face while being asked, the hapless youngster will hopefully not get the joke and embarass himself at the Bakery !
In Blackpool you will find simply hoardes of the real thing. Whilst God may have amply endowed many fine Northern women, many more add to their creators work with a diet of burgers, mushy peas and chips by the truckload. Such fine examples of the female form never seem backwards in coming forward - with short skirts, skimpy tops and everything generally wobbling about like a big pink coloured jelly.
Enough ranting sourbugger - G.
It would seem that just about every food outlet in Blackpool is dedicated to trying to fill your arteries with fat or give you a massive sugar boost.
Blackpool rock, candyfloss, burgers , pizza and chips appear to the staple diet.
The only place you are likely to get a healthy meal is if you scrape the red and green bits out of a Big Mac.
A recent study published in the British Medical Journal claimed that the probability of soap characters on British TV soaps surviving into old age was less than that of bomb disposal experts.
One of the more dramatic deaths in the very long running British Soap was that of Alan Bradley died under a tram in Blackpool after mistreating Rita Fairclough.
These lumbering giants weigh many tons. They are, after all, essentially trains that have been trained to run along roads. Don't get into arguments with them.
Once upon a time, it's a long time ago and for charity, Sourbugger was dressed and a six foot duck collecteing money for brain-injured children on the prom in Blackpool.
By the late afternoon he had been floored and sexually molested by about 20 young women in cheerleaders outfits. Whilst this was not altogether unpleasurable, being chased by half a dozen blokes with the shorts round their knees across the main road bout half an hour later awas not.
Be warned crowds of very drunk men or women on the razz in the stag and hen capital of the world don't tend to take any prisoners !
As with any large town or city, when there are a lot of people all in one place, usually with their guard down as they're on holiday; pickpockets and handbag snatchers abound.
Don't take ALL your money with you. If your hotel has a safe deposit box or safe - use it.
LADIES - beware of bag snatchers. Even in daytime they operate. Use handbags as decorative items, sure, but keep your money and cards etc. ELSEWHERE.
Don't stand the chance of your holiday being ruined. Don't be an addition to the mugging statistics.
However if you do become a victim, inform the POLICE immediately.
Even if you are an experienced coaster ride, be aware that it is an awfully long way up on the Pepsi Max Big One rollercoaster. I can handle heights myself, although when that cold Irish sea wind blew certainly began to feel distinctly queasy up there.
In addition the mile long plus ride is not the smoothest in the world, and with a few sharp kinks in the track, it could affect people with minor back problems.
Obviously if you knew you had major back problems or had a phobia about heights you wouldn't go near the damn thing in the first place !
The Norbreck Castle hotel in Blackpool is a very large hotel, which outwardly resembles a castle (surprisingly enough). In the past many would perhaps swap the word 'castle' for 'prison', or perhaps ask if the castle has 463 dungeons.
It got a a very bad press last year and featured on the BBC consumer affairs programme - Watchdog. Dated rooms, queues for check-in and dining rooms, paper thin walls, scruffy furniture, fire alarms set off half the night, loud music, squeaky beds, rude and surly staff etc etc
Even with a 9 million pound refit, it would appear that the owners, Britannia hotels, have their work cut out. After all, it's difficult to make a silk purse out of a cows ear !
Take care with fake tattoos like this one from a tent in the Pleasure Beach...they may seem like a good idea at the time, but the bride-to-be decided to have this tattoo as a joke for her fiance, without realising that they take a while to come off. The night before her wedding she was scrubbing her arm until it was red raw! The joke so nearly backfired :)
we de sied to have 3 days away from home with our 4 kid this is the first trip in 7 years and this was the worst trip ever when we got to the lodge we were ment to be in a family room we then were told that we were in the dugon rooms so we thought ok was not sure what was coming up so we were shoed our rooms and they were right they were under ground the bed sheets were dirty there was blood on my pillow case there was 5 singel beds in one room and 3 in other room my 3 older childen had one room as we went in there was fag butts on the floor the bed sheets were dirty and then me and my partner and 6 year old boy stayed with us as he has rely bad astma there was no windows or fresh air in any of the rooms no kettle or any thing we then asked to be moved and they said they would sort it out for us so we sat out side for 3 hours bering in mine we had been travling scince 2 in the morning and when we got there it was 8 in the morning and couldnt book in till 3 in the afternoon so i sat out side for3 hours with my 4 kids watting for them to sort it when asked after 3 hours no one would talk to us so we had no choice but to stay there as we had no money to go els were so we stayed out till 11.30 at night to to get out of there as we left we were offerd discount on return as things were so bad i told them we wouldnt return thanks any a week latter my friends fecived a email saying £50 has been all redy taken from her bank for smoking in the room and damege to the room well as above my son has bad astma and can not be around smoke and there was no damege to any thing EVON WHEN YOU TRYED TO SLEEP ALL YOU COULD HEAR FROM THE STAFF IN THE MAIN ROOM WAS PEOPLE TALKING AND THE FLOOR CREAKING AS PEOPLE WALKING ACROSS IT there is just a small rail on the roof to hang your clothes we had to live out our suit case and when we cam back from being out all day one of our rooms doors was open witch i know was loced as i cheed them before i left as on reading reviws from trivadvisoir there has been many of complaints a bout the same thing evon from people that didnt smoke PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE CREDIT CARD DETAILS OUT if you make a complaint you pay by them taking money of your credit card for no reson its all made up they were evon bad mouthing my partner for no reson when they were the ones that were swearing there is many reviews on this and the same thing comes up many of times please warn people about this place and rember NO CREDIT CARD DETAILS OUT
THE PIC LOOK NOTHING LIKE THE ROOMS OR ANY THING IM NOT SURE WERE THEY GOT THEM FROM DONT BE FOOLED BY THEM THEY ARE OUT TO MAKE MONEY OF PEOPLE
Usually, during the day, the tides are out so it's safe to walk on the sandbanks or paddle in the sea (too cold for swimming!). However, when the sea tides come in usually at the end of the day or during inclement weather it's too dangerous to walk on the sandbanks or go in the sea. There are warning sides dotted on the promenade and best complying with the instructions about keeping safe.
There is a lifeguard station situated near the the North Pier who can provide further information and advice about sea safety.
The water at Blackpool can be very dangerous in bad weather so be carefull even if water looks calm as the water quite often crashes over the sea wall and has been known to claim lives. It happened to someone I know son he was swept over the wall by a freak wave he didn't have chance so be careful.
If you are driving around blackpool in your own car then watch outfor drunk people. I would really advise you catch the bus everywhere because you can sit and relax and know you aren't going to hit anybody.
Not really alot to put here but just be careful if you are driving at night in the town especially on a Friday or Saturday night because a few people can get a bit tipsy! You'll probably be ok though :)
There's a ride on the Central Pier called Ride of Death (or something like that) and all adventurous kiddies will be begging their parents to be allowed to go on it. Basically they stick the child in a harness, attach them to a rope which goes from the pier to a truck at the bottom, and send the kid flying. The ones I watched on it seemed to love it but it is not cheap!
In the winter it can get very windy and whip up a vicious sand storm on the promenade, it is just like being in a desert some days. Some sort of protection for your eyes is a good as the sand can be quite sore and blinding if it gets in them. Also try not to get sand in things like cameras and radios as it can be very damaging and costly.
Another problem with the wind is the sea. Do not go too close to the edge of the promenade when the sea is in and it is windy as the waves can ge very tall and sweep you in.