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D.I. Nick M.George of the Cop-a-rama has reason to believe there is a Wealdstone connection to a gang that have sold millions of CDs which tell perversions of the classic Janet and John childrens' stories and have attempted to evade the payment of around £250,000 VAT, which could be used to provide more Bus Lanes, Traffic Calming, Bendy-Buses and other measures to tackle Global Warming in Wealdstone.
These CDs have a highly adult theme, where Janet is a butch, deep-voiced dominant woman and John is a submissive, lisping, cross-dressing fop.
Investigations found the 'Mr Big' of this operation resembles George Clooney and his 'enforcer' is from Hollywood. We also know the gang behind the manufacture and distribution of this filth had a meeting in a place called "L.A." in September, 2006. These people use names like Mick Sturbs, Dora Jarr and Edna Cloud, which we suspect are not their real names.
...Assuming "L.A." meant Los Angeles, Nick M.George and eleven of his colleagues spent a very arduous month staying in a 5-star hotel in Beverly Hills investigating. Mr Clooney was eventually tracked down on his yacht and was eliminated from the enquiries, as it's now clear the 'Mr Big' is a Clooney lookalike.
We know the Janet and John featured in these CD's are a real couple, because we have evidence of John meeting the CD's manufacturers and distributors on several occasions and he is known to the police after he was caught committing an offence in the Pitlochry area of Scotland.
Updated Mar 27, 2007
Wealdstone's cop-a-rama is a sister station of the Northolt cop-a-rama, where the CID, under D.I. Nick M.George, with D.C.Nasty (the dark-haired one with the cardigan) and D.S.Crutch (the blonde one who sings) are.
Their address is:
Wealdstone cop-a-rama
Zodiac Parade (opposite Dixons)
Burnside Green Road
Wealdstone
HA3 2KA.
Updated Mar 10, 2007
Not a current Warning or Danger, as the perpetrator died in 1995. However, here is a picture of a gentleman who kept getting onto programmes the Togmeister used to present in order to wreak havoc, break equipment and generally disrupt the smooth running of the shows.
Written Mar 8, 2007
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Detective Inspector Nick M.George of Wealdstone Flying Squad, based at Northolt Cop-a-rama, has issued the following statement following a spate of car thefts.
"Hit would happear some TYG's have been nicking cars. We think we have the harnser to combatting car theft.
We av hobtained some special stickers wot you place hin the rear window hov your ve-hicle. These stickers har hirrymovable & no self-respecting car thief will be seen dead hin hay car with such hay sticker."
Written Feb 9, 2007
Highly convincing & very girly transvestite Frank Godfrey is familiar with Wealdstone, as one of his close friends lives there. Frank has been known to entice builders, electricians, plumbers & other tradesmen into his flat to 'fix' a variety of spurious & non-existent faults.
In a recent incident in cold weather, Frank pretended his central heating had packed in & minced around his flat in a large pink 'duvet' coat, asking the heating engineer if he wants to see what he's got on under his coat.
Written Jan 25, 2007
Some established singers complained they were being excluded from airplay by the Togmeiseter every time he played his own records (or sang along to instrumentals).
Written Mar 8, 2007
Wealdstone, the spiritual home of the TOG's.
Wealdstone is to the TOG's what Mecca is to muslims. Every TOG should visit Wealdstone at least once in their lives. The ideal time is that rare weekday at 8am when the leader of the TOG's, the...
Build your own Wealdstone page
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