Time Share, Puerto Vallarta

So you think you got what it takes to compete in The Ultimate Timeshare Presentation Championship (UTPC)? Maybe you’ve seen some late night TV infomercials or heard stories about the tough competition from friends, and now you are in Puerto Vallarta, have had a few days to rest up, and you’re feeling that excess Viagra click in. You want more action than being dragged along in a parachute or swimming with dolphins. Are we† right? Well, you have come to the right place. As former competitors in The Grand Mayan UTPC we can assure you that your vacation to Puerto Vallarta will be incomplete without experiencing your own UTPC at the resort of your choice. If you leave Puerto Vallarta without competing, you will forever wonder if you have the metal to sit with the big boys and duke it out for dollars.

Now we know you are probably wondering how to get a piece of the UTPC action. Fear not. If you are reading this, chances are you have what it takes to get to a presentation. Just to be sure though, there are talent scouts all over Vallarta who are experts at assessing your abilities to get into the timeshare ring and slug it out for the best deals.

To qualify, all you have to do is be “untanned”, be a couple, 30-70 years old, have a valid credit card and be willing to step into the ring with some of the best heavy hitting pros in the game. We are talking about guys who have been training and going up against insecure wimps like you for years. You really do not have to worry about any of this because your personal promoter (known as an OPC in the business) will find you on the street, sign you up and take care of all the details. (Our guy was Raul*, local family man, all around great guy and promoter extraordinaire.) Your promoter will prep you, train you and get you to the venue all at no charge to yourself. Now, he may ask for some cash up front, but convince him of how serious you are, and he will waive that requirement. Don’t worry about your promoter. He’s getting paid well just to get fresh competitors to show up.

Aside from the fame and the nice resort you “might” get to stay at as a performance bonus, the best part of this whole deal is you get a cash appearance fee just to step in and go toe to toe with the big boys.

After the early morning drop at the venue of your choice, you weigh in (in dollars) and meet your opponent. We were assigned the white corner, representing middle class Canada. Our opponent in The Grand Mayan corner was Jose*, one of the Grand Mayan’s up and comers. Two on one you ask? That doesn’t seem fair. Local rules apparently are in force, so who are we to question custom.

The bell sounds and we start circling, slowly feeling each other out. We decide to play a defensive strategy. Jose makes the first probe using a progressive indirect attack. We know he is after our VISA card, but he starts with the golf cart tour of the resort.

It’s a good opening move. Luxurious exteriors, manicured grounds, a concrete beach with a wave machine and a concrete river with mechanical current for tubing and kayaking. Wow, who needs a sandy beach or a dirty river when you can have blue concrete, filled with purified water? We sense we might be out of league but fake it and roll with his probing attack.
The bell rings to end the first round? That wasn’t bad. We survived the first 60 minutes with no injuries, not even a nick in the check book. Round two begins after breakfast… or does it?
It turns out local custom has you eat with your opponent. Hmmm… we find out Jose is just a local kid who has worked hard to make it to the big leagues. Is this part of his strategy? Maybe he is softening us up, looking for weakness to exploit. We stay guarded, eating lightly and taking bathroom breaks one at a time. As breakfast ends, Jose probes our defence again by getting us to leave the tip for our breakfast servers. (It turns out they don’t get paid. They live on tips only.) We didn’t anticipate this move given that we are in a multi-billion dollar resort that brings in millions of dollars a day, but we do manage to dig up 5 bucks for the tip. However, we can’t help wondering if the money is going to keep pouring out of our pockets like blood from a split eyebrow that even a good cut man can’t stop.

The bell rings again to signal the “start” of the match. Huh? What about the last two hours? Oops! It turns out we’ve been wasting energy on the warm up.

Jose really starts to work us over now. He knows the breakfast warm up ploy caught us by surprise, leaving us a little slow and sluggish, and his experience starts to show. Then he makes a rookie’s error – his calculator batteries go dead. Though caught off balance initially, we recover by producing our own giant sized calculator - solar powered. Jose is impressed and senses that he has a serious negotiation duo here. He has some trouble with the oversize keys on the calculator at first but adapts quickly and starts dazzling us with his numbers, fingers dancing over the giant sized calculator keys with one hand while he writes deals on the laminated cards with his other hand. Amazing! He is equally adept with both hands. He feints with unlimited burn week specials, draws us out with waived renovation fees and finally gets inside with his best body shot - The Today Only Two for One Special. He hurts us with the two for one. We stagger but manage to stay up using a simple ploy Jose should have been expecting. “Can you show us all this on paper?” We catch him off guard with that, and as a result he can’t get the submission he must have at any cost.

As we check the clock, only to find out that the round should have ended an hour ago, Jose pulls his secret weapon out of his trunks. Yup, he pulls the old “tag your team-mate in” tactic. He tags in none other than his coach and mentor Monty Jack.**

Hold it. Nobody told us this was a tag team match. Monty Jack is not just some local yokel. This guy is an experienced competitor, the professor, and he is from Canada, so he knows how to play us. Monty doesn’t just enter the ring. He leaps the ropes. We look at each other as it is obvious to both of us that Monty has not passed the drug test. He is hyped up on speed and immediately starts hitting us with financial combinations so fast we both cover our wallets and hold on to the secret money compartments sewn into our clothes. Staggering about from Monty’s onslaught, we manage to bob and weave and then slip him our best counter.

“Monty, we are first timers.”

“Timeshare virgins! Fresh meat!”

Monty laughs and accuses us of lying for all to hear. All eyes in the place turn on us. Odds are given. Bets are placed

He then shouts, “Everyone here has been to one of these.”

When he realizes we are telling the truth, his sociopath's glare tells us he figures we are on the ropes.

We have been able to fake it up to now, but the cat is out of the bag. Monty wipes the drool from the corner of his mouth and begins his final coupe de grace with style only a seasoned pro can muster after over seven hours of competition. The crowd senses something special here as everyone in the place avidly watches to see how Monty will finish us off. He dazzles us with fast talk about unlimited break away weeks. With a command of the ring that only matures after years of seasoning, he softens us up with a “15 year complaint free Better Business Bureau record.” Then he pummels us with, “You get it not for 25 years but 100 years - but only if you buy today.” Finally Monty drops us to our knees with his best shot.
“I’ll guarantee you $25,000.00 cash right now.”

Staggering around, punch drunk with visions of $$$ signs, somehow our frail 50 year old hands fail to relinquish the death clutch on our VISA cards. The match originally scheduled for 90 minutes has now gone on for 7+ hours. The crowd senses our fatigue. We haven’t trained for a marathon match, but some inner voice is still telling us it doesn’t understand this timeshare thing, so we hold fast, and refuse to let our VISA cards go down for the count. In a final act of desperation we realize we will not be saved by the bell, so we pull our own secret weapon out of our trunks.

“No. We want to shop around”

This infuriates Monty. He berates us. He insults us, and finally he shouts foul. He tells us we are cheaters and informs the crowd that we are not fit to be in his club. What’s this? Monty is also the referee – local rules. The crowd roars approval, siding with Monty Jack, and with that the match is over, and we are out the door.

We feel lucky to escape relatively unharmed, but psychologically battered and more than a little stunned. Cheaters? Us? Unworthy to be in Monty’s league? Our promoter has deserted us earlier, perhaps sensing the embarrassment ahead. We are left to wander the resort, far from home and far from our hotel wondering what to do.

Luckily life in northern Canada toughens you up. Five mile walks to school at -30 Degrees Celsius in 10 feet of snow for years has prepared us for the 20 km walk back to Puerto Vallarta. Walk you ask? Yes fellow UTSP gladiators. When you cheat, your don’t get your appearance bonus. You don’t get special gifts, and you don’t get your ride back from whence you came. All we can say is we had the courage to compete and continue to live by our travel motto, “Be open to all and trust no one.”

*Names have not been changed to ensure privacy
**His real name…this week
†We are Kathy and Mike, travellers and non-timeshare owners…so far.

This is in response to the traveler who thought it was so easy to make money by lying to timeshare salespeople in Mexico. Tourism is the number one industry in that country and all of the timeshare representatives work for commission only. Many are hardworking family types who are trying to better their situation on this planet. By suggesting that one's entire vacation could be paid for just by lying about their reason not to buy and taking in up to three presentations a day, not only is this person morally bankrupt: they are to be pitied. If taking away a salesperson's opportunity to earn a living is your idea of a great way to take a vacation.... I wouldn't want to be like you.

Unique Suggestions: If you do decide to take in a presentation... think about this: You're in your office back home and a client comes in and decides to waste your time with no intention of ever buying anything and then laughs in your face and lies to you. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? Better yet, what would Jesus do?

Fun Alternatives: My better alternative is to pay for your vacation yourself instead of being a mooch. Or better still, as Fortune magazine suggests: if you plan to vacation regularly invest in Vacation Ownership. Five million timeshare owners can't be wrong!

Look gays im a time share promoter (OPC) here in puerto vallarta you might say "jesus time share here' but come on is not as bad as u think the smart people in other couple of comments knw how to play the game it is true i get 400dls each time i take someone to see my place or any other resort i send people everywhere but i give 250dls for the people who goes 90 mins with free breakfast for listen somebody who try to sell u something dont sound too bad to me any way people waste more time in something else without getting anything out right i really dont care if they buy something cause the comission out of that is very low and i dont want people to buy something they dont like just be SMART after your 90 mins stand up an leave you got something good out of this and knew a nice place and something else mexicans and people from cruise ships qualify too for many resorts
PD Gays and lesbians qualify as a regular couple

Fun Alternatives: I heard that the people have bad time with people talking to you on the street well is the way people make their living here so if you dont want nobody to talk to you neither people friendly better go to europe nobody talks to you or try to help you there an you pay around triple so!

Time shares work like this; The people on the street are trying to get you to go to the presentation. They get paid anywhere from 300-600 USD per couple that comes to the presentation and stays for the required 90 minutes. They don't care if you are going to buy or not, they just want to make sure you "qualify". Each time share resort has different qualifications, but one in particular I am familiar with wants couples; 28 or older (only one person has to be 28), the couple must have the same address on their driver's license and 2 major credit cards. You must be staying in Vallarta for max 30 days and you are not on a cruise ship. They mostly take Americans and Canadians, some European countries and Chinese, but no Mexicans. They will take lesbian, but not gay couples.

Time share is not a good investment and I would only recommend going to a presentation if you are simply in it for the perks and are ready to force your way out after 90 minutes. Do not just take 2 bottles of liquor and a "free breakfast at a beautiful resort" as a gift. I would request cash, 200 USD.

If people are talking to you on the street, don't stop.. just keep walking. A good deal of the places that sell tours (you pass them constantly while walking down the street) sell time share aswell, be wary. Time share resorts also pay restaurants to place "hosts" or "hostesses" (presentation fishers), they will seat you, chatting.. all the while seeing if you qualify. So be aware and don't give out too much info about yourself, because if you qualify, a big pitch is on the way.
Or just say you are on a cruise ship, they will leave you alone real quick. You can also catch a break by steering clear of the super touristy streets and restaurants. It is impossible to avoid them 100%, but you won't get pitched at a taco stand full of locals :P

The instant the automatic doors open at the airport, you are assaulted by people asking what hotel you are staying at. You tell, they say, come this way, but it's not part of your tour, it's a time share hustle. They start with a map of attractions, but soon it's " come to my presentation" They even offer cash for you to attend. My husband got so sucked in, being too polite to walk away, that we missed the bus and had to take a taxi to the hotel. Be firm, walk away, and don't feel rude or guilty. The same game is played all over the city. Once the "come to my presentation" starts, LEAVE.

Make sure when you are booking that your hotel doesn't also accomodate time shares, or you WILL be harrassed. I met a couple on one of our excursions who said they were bothered by people at the resort they were at.

Unique Suggestions: Make sure you go to a meeting that gives you the canopy trip, because that trip is olike 150.00!! Make it worth your while!

Fun Alternatives: NOT ONE

I need to say YES to timeshare presentations. But you gotta know how to take full advantage of them. I am basing my next vacation to Puerto Vallarta because of information I just got in Playa Del Carmen. There is a system to this. Get familiar with it. We travel all over free...

Unique Suggestions: OK, first, Mexico allows every tourist opportunity to eat free, get free stuff, and most of all pay for your vacation through these presentations every 12 months. Understand, that you can bargain for what you want. If time is really that precious to you, ask for big bucks. in PVR right now they are paying up to $200 CASH US money. Seriously, in PDC (I just got home today) they were paying $180 each time). Do one for 8am and AUCE breakfast, then another at lunch for another big money. Get one guy for the whole week. They get $50 ave to take you each time. Tell him you are here to make money for each of you. They love that. Then go, make small talk, eat, take the tour, and when they start talking money, say you are adding an addition to your house and havent got the extra money right now, or are getting ready to sell your business or retire within one year and are just beginning to check out the programs. Or simply say "No, I dont like the property (too big, not the right activities)" and get up. Your contract says 90 minutes (from the time the salesman gets you), so eat quickly. We made $810 this week in PDC (which was $140 profit after paying the trip). Play their game. Oh, dont tell them you have ever been to a presentation before.

Fun Alternatives: I look at it this way, what else do I have to do at 8 in the morning? Where else can I go "to work" at 8am and get off at about 2pm, have two meals (usually buffets) and have nearly $400 in my pocket, and the rest of the day to spend on the beach? But if you think these are not for you, then do the following: do not pay any attention to the hawkers. If you make eye contact, just say No thanks and continue walking. I spent this last week with our new contact, and he explained his job VERY well. I stood by him and watched and listened to him telling me what they look for. They are looking for the "white" people (they have just arrived and might want to take some tours - and get talked into the timeshares). Subjects must be American, Canadian, or English only. They must be between 30-70 years old, a couple, and seemingly with money. They also look for people wearing bracelets from other resorts, because these people are accustomed to paying big bucks. Use this info to your advantage. MOST OF ALL, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SAY "NO THANK YOU" and stick to it. And, last, GET IT IN WRITING, whatever you want (ask for it!)

The individuals that sell time shares are everywhere; your hotel, restaraunts, sidewalks, downtown. These people will not leave you alone. They will talk forever and ever. Also, they will offer you coupons or discounts on local activities if you come to a time shares meeting. These meetings also take alot of your valuable vacation time.

Unique Suggestions: As you walk along the sidewalks and through the town, dont make eye contact with any person(s) selling time shares. If they ask you to stop and talk with them just say,"No thank-you" and keep on walking. Don't even stop to say "no thank-you." If you stop, they will not let you go.

Fun Alternatives: There isnt much you can do to avoid the time shares people. They are everywhere. Just keep walking. Or, if you want to avoid them all togther, stay away from populated areas. Head out into the small fishing villages or the jungles.