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New York Jokes
A man walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security.
The man handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen dollars?"
- Road Trip
Unless absoutely necessary, don't drive in NYC
Traffic is horrible. You have to deal with crazy taxis, buses and trucks that don't care if they're about to crash into you, and seemingly suicidal bikers and pedestrians. Keep in mind that pedestrians will cross wherever and whenever they want, not always at a corner, and if you leave a big enough gap behind the car in front, pedestrians will cross in front of you, even if they do not have the cross light. Free parking is almost non-existent anywhere in Manhattan, and a common joke among me and my friends is that you may need to take out a loan from the bank to pay a parking garage. In my opinion, a car can be helpful in most areas in the outer boroughs, especially areas too far to walk to the subway (such as Throgs Neck, Bronx). Drivers are still obnoxious, but not nearly as bad as Manhattan. Avoid driving in Downtown Brooklyn at all costs as well.
Parking Scam in NYC!!
Parking Scam in NYC! Be wary of lots that offer a really good deal on parking. They'll often quote you a good rate but then refuse to release your car if less than some other (much higher) amount is paid. A particularly loathsome trick is to post rates for only a 12-hour period, but not mention that the rate goes up to double if the car is not picked up before the 12 hour period is up. Also, beware of quotes from employees, as the parking garage manager might just refuse to honor that. I suspect this problem is worse with out-of-town plates, as they know people just won't come back to NYC to fight the charges. Central Parking in SoHo is particularly bad about this.
Drive on the right hand side of the road!
A rather funny thing happened to us when we left Newark.
We hopped onto a shuttle bus that was taking us to our hotel near the airport, for our first night there.
I jumped into the back with the rest of the people getting on there, and my hubby had to sit in the passenger seat.
The driver was popping the bags in the boot and came round to drive and saw that my dear hubby had climbed inside on the WRONG side and was sitting in the driver's seat. Bless!
He had not even noticed the large round thing in front of him, commonly known as the steering wheel :) (shows how tired he was!).
We all had a good laugh! We are so used to being on the left in both South Africa and England, so this was quite a change for us.
Needless to say he did not drive us to the hotel! haha
- Romantic Travel and Honeymoons
- Road Trip
Calling all NYC drivers!
This is for those that dare to drive in NYC (just kidding, it’s not that bad –if you don’t mind being stuck in hours of traffic). THERE IS NO LEFT TURNS ON A RED LIGHT!
Outside of Manhattan yes, but not in Manhattan. I see many drivers turn on red and hopefully your lucky enough to not get a ticket, but remember –no turns on red!
SUV City / Stainless Steel Trees?
I was just fresh off watching the Al Gore epic "An Inconvenient Truth" prior to travelling to New York and I took notice to all the SUV's in the city. They were everywhere and I don't understand why because a small car would be much more convenient. I assume it is a status thing and in th eend these gas guzzler's are polluting the atmosphere above Manhattan.
For humor and irony in Madison Square Park New York native Roxy Paine is bringing his stainless-steel tree sculptures to Madison Square Park as a form of public art. I have a picture provided here for you but is this what the world is coming too possibly?
Stainless steel trees? Whose idea was this?
All jokes aside the new age trees look pretty sleek if you ask me.
Park here or DON'T PARK HERE!
Perhaps the worst headache of any New York visit is parking. If you arrive by train, plane, or ship, then thank yourself. For those who are four-wheel bound, here are several tips:
1. In the Meat Packing District (west side/downtown of Manhattan), street parking is available from 4pm-2am. This might be a good option if you are in this area for dinner or dancing.
2. There are side streets throughout Manhattan that have parking available Monday-Sunday 6pm-8am. (Usually near schools) Read the sign to be sure.
3. In Midtown or business districts, street parking is available after 7pm-7am. Make dinner reservations around this time and you don't have to pay the exorbitant $40 garage fee. **Extra pre-caution in this area, however, and read each sign thoroughly.
4. Fifteen feet. Fifteen footsteps away from a fire hydrant is the least you need to NOT receive a NYC $110 parking ticket.
5. Street side parking: Monday and Thursday, Tuesday and Friday, 8-9:30am, 9:30-11am, 11-12:30pm. No Wednesdays. During these hours, New Yorkers move their cars and wait for the street cleaners to sweep up and then quickly reclaim their space until the next cleaning. Get there twenty minutes before the 9:30, 11, or 12:30 and get your free parking space.
5. Early Bird Special! Many garages offer 8-10am or 9-11am specials in which fees are less than $18 for a day. It's worth an early wake-up call.
6. Meter parking: Broken meter = free park day. Yeah! Feed your meter if it's not broken because its a $65 ticket.
1. Read the sign! I loathe the tow trucks that take cars away. There are private towing companies that make bonus on each car.
Do not drive a rental car into Manhattan, dont even drive your own car into that concrete jungle, mainly because there are other reliable forms of transportation, namely the subway system and your feet, just to name a few. There is a rumor that any insurance on your vehicle is good except in Manhattan.....I kept wondering why so many cars have dents on them.
Caution !! No parking!
Parking ..forget about it! If you bring your car to New York pick a hotel which allows to park for a fee because that is the best price you will prbably find. Do not use cabs because the faires are HUGE, the best way to travel in New York is by Subway or Walking!
- Road Trip
It's kind of corny when people tell what seem fantastic stories about crime in New York, but here I go with one.
We'd just disembarked our bus in front of the Edison hotel and were standing in the lobby when we heard the alarm of a car outside go off. Right in front of the bus a car was parked and a man was ripping open the hood of the car, doing something, slaming the hood down, opening the door, and then drove off.
All within about 1 minute. Considering it was my fist
minute in New York as well, it was all kind of cool - since it wasn't my car :)
Anyways, even thought you appear to be in a safe neighbourhood, keep your eyes open. New York City is a big crazy city, and there are crazy people out there who are looking to take advantage of people like tourists.
I've walked the streets drunk in the skull at 4am and well. even though I didn't get mugged, you still need to be aware of what you are doing. Just don't be a dick and you'll be fine. Dick head.
Now brush your teeth and go to bed!
Out of control drivers
It's getting more and more difficult to stay safe as a pedestrian. It seems more and more people are driving in the city. More cars causes more traffic which causes more drivers to have less patience. Hence, pedestrians can get hit. So even if you have a right-of-way as a pedestrian, be sure to look behind you before crossing to make sure no one is about to turn into you (that happened to me). And also watch out for bikes going the wrong way and/or going against the light. In other words, be sure to keep some eyes in the back of your head and on both sides as well as in the front so you're not invovled in any kind of accident on the NYC streets. The picture is a sign they put up on my block a few months ago. It hasn't helped one bit.
It is an absolute nightmare to find a cheap parking place!! We paid $20 for like, 2 hours, even less than that infact!! But it had to be done as I was travelling with very young children, and relatively elderly people, and also a person with a foot injury.
This particular parking was near Pier 17 shopping mall.
My advice is to avoid parking if you can, and take the subway, as you save so much money on parking and toll stations, as well as the fact that you get to see a New York attraction!!
- Road Trip
- Family Travel
You do not want to drive a car you like here.
The busses, the cabs, the crazy people who are sight seeing, taking pictures while they drive (Mike). OMG, you have to experience this before you can understand the real meaning of chaos.
Rent a car and get the maximum insurance if you MUST drive in this town.
Take a valium if you have one, you'll need it.
Note, take a valium even if you are not driving. Oh, what the hey, you're on vacation! Take the damn valium just cause you can. ;-)
- Road Trip
- School Holidays
- Theater Travel
If you don't have to drive in NYC, don't! If you do have to drive, you will encounter pedestrians with death wishes crossing in the middle of the road and at red lights with no regard to oncoming traffic, no one looks when changing lanes, awful rush hour traffic, kamikaze cab drivers, frequent lane blockages by cabs/delivery vans, workers.
New York City is very easy to get around without a car, it's great to walk through Manhattan looking at all the cool architecture, do a little window shopping or pop into the local pizza joint for a slice.
if the weather is not so nice or you have a longer way to go, NYC has good public transportation, either the subway or buses.
Warning to Animal Rights Activists
Oh Lord - New York is not the place to go if fur coats and accessories drive you crazy.
Its a vulgar display of wealth there - its not the same in the UK at all.
My sister had her hair cut by a transvestite (an experience in itself!) wearing a pelt around his waist - Yeuch!!!)
I bought a wooly hat and when I looked inside it was rabbit fur and it only cost $12...I'd been walking around with a rabbit on my head (a mauve one!!! LOL)
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New York City Travel Guide
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